Personal impressions

I wasn’t going to go to this year’s Sourozh conference. I’ve always felt rather intimidated by the slightly strained academic atmosphere of Dioscesan conferences. And I wimped out completely at the thought of sharing bunk-beds with strangers! Thank goodness I listened to the insistent voice of a young relative and booked a last minute place.

In fact, this was a conference to take all of us out of our comfort zones: an unfamiliar location, a small team of organisers trying to make everything happen, a Bishop unfamiliar with English boarding school facilities and therefore struggling to see how a whole diocese might come together in this way (but nevertheless giving his blessing!), an uncertain community wondering what the first conference since “the troubles” would be like.

Yet this fifth weekend of Pascha, enfolding Sunday of the Samaritan Woman, turned out to be an oasis of unexpected encounters and answers. The location itself felt like an escape - countryside views, open spaces to wander around in, a refectory large enough to allow both solitary reflection and larger conversations. The accommodation was basic but definitely this side of Lent!

The theme of the whole conference was ‘Pray Without Ceasing.’ Deacon Matthew’s opening talk explored how to bring the ascetic prayer life of the desert into our modern city world. Practical steps to achieving this were illustrated with stories from the desert fathers: dealing with our anger and praying for our enemies; practising forgiveness and hospitality; keeping our prayer life simple and staying humble; the importance of obedience and confession; not separating our daily “to do list” from prayer but recognising that our whole life as prayer.

The first night was a mixture of inevitable late arrivals, room confusion and squeaky beds. Added to this, the school staff joyfully, hilariously and very loudly celebrated the absence of children into the small hours - an irony not lost on us, who had obediently followed the school’s instructions, wrapped up our socialising at 11.00pm and crept to bed!

I didn’t attend all of the lectures or any of the workshops, but there was something for me to take home from each talk that I did hear. Matushka Alexandra Zaitseva’s theme was ‘The Church in the Home’. She spoke of her experiences first as a child and secret Orthodox believer in Communist Russia, then later teaching her own children and grandchildren about Orthodoxy. Some of her reflections were thought provoking: don’t force children to go to church when they are old enough to choose for themselves, teach children that prayer is work - better to arrive later at the Divine Liturgy and be attentive than colour in books throughout the whole service; the importance of having high expectations of our children and their understanding of the faith; how a parent’s pride in his or her own piety might be at the cost of a child’s love for Orthodoxy.

Father Stephen spoke on the theme of ‘Liturgical Prayer’, beginning with prayer as an expression of our relationship with God, through different kinds of prayer - praise, intercession, repentance, to the meaning of church itself and the importance of the cycle of church services. We must not be just “Sunday Orthodox” but active participants, taking our faith out into the world.

Molebin, Matins, Vigil, Divine Liturgy, Vespers, Matins, Moleben: my heart lifted each time I saw “our” iconostasis in the distance, as I approached the open doors of the spacious church. Voices from around the country joined the choir, alternately led by Fr. Stephen and Matushka Skinner while familiar and dearly-loved clergy led our prayers.

As the weekend went on, I sensed a relaxation in the people around me. There were not many discussions about “the split”, rather expressions of deep regret about missing faces, faces we might not see again in this life, as someone put it. God forgive us all! There was a strong sense of fellowship, of speaking without hesitation, heart to heart; there seemed to be an easier mix of Russian and English - I watched translation headphones popping in and out of ears as conversations switched between English and Russian during the talks. Bishop Elisey smiled his way through his struggles with English as he responded to the talks and to questions. His concluding remark hit the right note: “I not only agree to another conference, I insist!”

For me, this was a conference to look back on with fond remembrance and to continue to draw from, like a well. Could it be that having to start again has been a blessing, that in feeling humbled and unsure we have found our way back to some of the basics of our Orthodox Faith? As a Diocese we now need to pull together and share the burden of planning, organising and supporting the next Sourozh conference. I might even book in advance this time!

Grainne Henry, St Nicholas Parish, Oxford